An Interview with Pauly Tom Tom

stick guyToday we have the opportunity to sit down with my GPS  system, a Tom Tom 340XLS. He joined us in New Jersey and has been with us from New Jersey through the move to San Diego and now to Massachusetts. To be able to fully appreciate Pauly’s comments I suggest you think of Joe Pesci’s voice or practice looking in the mirror and saying “You lookin’ at ME? Yeah you,YOU…you lookin’ at me???”

OK, now lets get started

 

ME – Hello Pauly. It’s great to finally get to talk about our move to Massachusetts.

PAULY – Freakin’ – A – Right! So, youse couldn’t have said a lil’ somethin’ about moving ALL THE FREAKIN’ WAY ‘CROSS THE COUNTRY? Huh? Here I am, still tryin’ ta figger out all dese cockamamie Spanish names – Via Del Oro dis an’ Calle El Rancho dat and I wakes up the next time and holy crap the ocean is on da wrong side!

ME – Yeah…sorry about that.. So what do you think of the Boston area?

PAULY – So dis is is the kind of questions ya got?  Do you tink I’m here to amuse you? How the hell duz you tink I like trying to get youse through streets that was laid out in 1624? I seen rat mazes that dat make more sense den this place. However, I gotta say it nice to get back to wheres people drive wit some attitude. None of dat pansy California “You go first…Oh no, you go first” crap. Yeah its nice ta hear some honking horns and cursin’ out the window. So, ya wanna know about my opinion of Boston? Nice try but a Joisey driver will kick yer ass in a traffic circle.

ME – Yes, well back to the driving thing…breakdown lane sign

PAULY – OK so I got some questions for youse. Foist, I notice you been doin a lot of driving on the shoulder…what the heck is dat about?.

ME – Well that’s the law here in Massachusetts. During rush hour people use the shoulder as an extra lane. It makes the traffic flow smoother.

PAULY – And if someones was to actually breakdown and need to stop in da breakdown lane, what den?

ME – Well, everyone has to go around him.

PAULY – Lemme get dis straight. Instead of building an extra lane dese geniuses’ said “Hey what the heck, we’ll let ‘em drive on the shoulder and put up signs to make it seem OK”, right?

ME – Yeah – pretty much.

PAULY – Freakin’ unbelievable. OK, so what’s wit all the weaving back and forth in da lane? Are all dese people drunk or texting or what? I’m tryin’ to keep youse in the right lane an’ I sees dese guys lookin’ like there gonna come over and cut you off and den they wander back over da line.

ME – I know there is a big Irish population here…

PAULY – Dis is at 10:30 in da morning…

ME – There’s a big Irish population here.

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PAULY – So, I’m wondering about some of da signs I’m seein’ around here. Should they really be commenting on the weight of da people who live in the area?

 

 

 

Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg

 

I had to look dis one up on the internet…If youse figger on goin’ dere I’m gonna call it Lake C.

 

 

 

 

For those of you who might be readin’ dis, here’s a picture of everyday traffic…keep in mind, dese guys is goin’ 70 miles per hour. 

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So I guess we’re gonna hafta talk about…uh…seasonal changes later in da year.

road-sign-masshole

Me – So Pauly it was great to talk to you and thanks for all the help in navigating the roads here.

PAULY –  By da way…you make me sound like that English chick again I’m gonna kick yer freakin’ ass.

Day 31 no Aloha Shirt sightings

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