The Eagle Has Landed…

As you may have guessed by the last couple of posts…I’m running out of things to whine about.

Here in New England the air has turned crisp, the trees are giving up their last ounce of photosynthesis and the squirrels are as fat as Biggest Loser contestants.

And I have reached the  final stage of the Kübler-Ross model, commonly referred to as the “five stages of grief” – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance…

Good old, flop on the couch, “No Mas”, OK…fine…Acceptance.

We live in New England.

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This leaves me no choice than to turn my faulty powers of observation to the national news. Barring that, I will start reviewing the new TV season. There is, of course, one thing that is a consistent wherever we go…TV sucks. And of course with the addition of digital FIOS, it’s even clearer…TV sucks.

So let’s look at the front page of the paper (and by the paper, I mean the MSN homepage) to see what’s happening.

Here in New England the investigation of the century is going on over the former Patriot player Aaron Hernandez. I don’t want to make light of the situation, but could it be more convoluted?

images 2 …victim is a football player whose girlfriend’s sister is the former Patriot’s fiancé… is related to the deceased husband of …a cousin of Hernandez who also lived in the rented home where the SUV was discovered.…the possible owner of a .38-caliber gun seized from a car after an accident…who drove to Georgia from her home, and when her car broke down, she bought him a bus ticket to Florida…

Holy crap – even Colombo wouldn’t be able to figure this out, much less explain it in a three minute speech that wraps up his investigation.

Note to NFL: Quit hiring thugs to play football.

We live on the North river (originally called the Whachagonnacallit River by the native inhabitants). The river is lined with stately White Pine that are 75 to 100 feet tall. Guess what White Pines do? They drop their needles! Here I was figuring I’d dodged the bullet when it comes to leaf clean up time. Not so fast Kemosabe…

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So, the wind came up last night and these damn trees started dropping their covering like Miley Cyrus at a Twerking Convention. What the hell is that about? The only pine trees I’ve seen lose their needles are the ones you leave up until after New Years.

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No, the local hay bale factory didn’t explode…that’s just the start of our dead pine needles harvest. Oh joy.  

Hello Again –

(You didn’t think I wrote this at one sitting did you?)

imgres (4) Well, my happiness meter just took a severe downward turn. I just got my second terrible haircut in Massachusetts. Why do cutters think that men who don’t shave their heads want to look like a backup member of Duran Duran? Sorry but the white sidewalls – poodle poof on top doesn’t do it for me. With a little moose I’d look just like this. With a few more cans of Moosehead Beer I’d be headed to the Goodwill Thrift Store for some pink suspenders.

 

I’m sure things will be much better when my haircut grows out…in say, eight to ten weeks.

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