As the out-of-touch sports troll I’ve become, I decided to check out the potential bowl games I won’t watch this end of year. We used to say on New Years Day but I think they started playing the bowl games in September…or maybe they are just finishing up the ones from last year.
It seems “bowl season” is getting as long as hockey season, which lasts 37 months, running concurrently. The Stanley Cup that was won in June was for the 1987 season.
I’ve been basically on the road since the mid 90’s. I’ve lost allegiance to all my teams from LA and haven’t really tried to get a meaningful sports relationship since. I saw an article that said 9 of the 12 Pac-10 teams were in bowl games.
Yes, I still think of them as the Pac-10 and I fondly remember when the Rose Bowl was where you’d find the league champion right after Bob Eubanks and Stephanie Edwards waxed euphoric about Vanda Orchids and Peruvian Paso horses in the parade.
The article started with Stanford against Michigan State in the Rose Bowl. Everything seemed right. Oregon is going to the Alamo Bowl and UCLA is taking on the Hokies of Virginia Tech in the Sun Bowl. I looked up the definition of “Hokies”, it’s far too strange to retell…something about turkeys.
Things went off the tracks as soon as I discovered USC will be playing in the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl…against Fresno State. There are two things very wrong with that last sentence. First – the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl??? Seriously? Is this an episode of The Simpsons? Will they be requires to dress up as Elvis – or Liberace? Are teams penalized for not making the spread? Will mob guys replace the regular umpires to, ahem, enforce the game?
Now we come to the other issue FRESNO STATE!!!! They are a football powerhouse? They grow grapes and corn right across the street. This is a college where the most popular major is How the Hell Do I Get Out of Fresno – with a minor in Tractor Repair…just in case that major thing doesn’t work out.
USC can afford to buy players that are just as good as the ones Stanford buys. What the hell is happening at the alumni meetings?
Rounding out the schedule weirdness, the Washington Huskies face BYU in the Fight Hunger Bowl, and Arizona takes on Boston College in the AdvoCare V100 Bowl. How many of you figured the Fight Hunger Bowl is played in San Francisco? A show of hands? I thought so.
I was a little disappointed that AdvoCare V100 isn’t a birth control device or Medicare Supplemental Insurance. It’s just vitamins – very expensive vitamins. Evidently expensive enough to afford to sponsor a bowl game.
In my quest to keep everyone informed I went to the fountain of vaguely reliable information – Google.
Remember the Peach Bowl? Now it’s the Chick-fil-A Bowl. The Tangerine Bowl has become the Russell Athletic Bowl (everyone do their own athletic supporters joke here). The Humanitarian Bowl has become the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl…a slight improvement. Go Daddy went down to Mobile, Alabama and started their own bowl. I think the half time show includes NASCAR racing.
My favorite is the Belk Bowl. There are so many different ways to go on this…played after the New Years Party – bad guacamole at brunch – halftime with Bon Jovi and the Laurence Welk Orchestra.
The only better sponsor would have been Wang Computers…The Wang Bowl! I bet they wouldn’t have gone bankrupt if they had sponsored a bowl game…maybe the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl will need a backer next year.
And in a refreshing change of pace the Gallery Furniture.Com Bowl is now the Texas Bowl.