It’s Olympics Time! Part I

Four years ago the Winter Olympics were held in Vancouver Canada. After viewing the Opening and Closing Ceremonies I wrote  a couple of reviews which I shared with a few close friends.
My daughter told me I should start a blog
Here we are four years later and I came across those reports in the files. So as a warm up to the Sochi Olympics I now take you back to the snowy slopes of Vancouver Canada and your host Bob Costas…

The Olympic Opening Ceremonies

WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT????
I know and love the Canadians for being nice but geeze…this is the Olympics, not the politically correct-everybody plays-nobody loses-let’s just have fun-AYSO BS!
This opening ceremony was the bunny hill of spectacle – the out-of-town closing of a Broadway show – a Will Farrell movie.

I’ve got to wonder if the aboriginals were passing the pipe when this so-called creative director presented this concept.

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“Hey, so here’s what we’ll do…shine a bunch of projectors around and show pretty pictures and I think I can get some guys who didn’t make it in the Circ de Soleil auditions…Oh yeah…and we’ll get a bunch of those goth/punks from the bar district and teach ’em some River Dance steps and get ’em all fired up on Moosehead beer! Ooooh yeah, it’ll be fine doncha know.”

My thoughts on the longest, dullest opening ceremonies in history-
Somebody needed to throw Bob “I can’t shut up” Costas down the luge track.
I was hopeful that the giant bear would do something more than just stand there. The woven plastic Christmas reindeer you put on the lawn have more animation.

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O K there were lotsa Indians…where were the cowboys? Calgary had cowboys.
I am soooo sick of jazz-pop-hiphop renditions of national anthems. ‘Oh Canada’ was completely unrecognizable. Bring in the military band – let them play the song – Let the little jazz girl do a Pepsi commercial.

 

Life reality #1. Even if you are the head of a country’s Olympic Committee it doesn’t mean you can give a better speech than most High School Valedictorians. “We are coming to you through the magic of television” What the hell is this, the sign on of the DuMont Network?(younger folks – Google it)

Evidently in Canada they have Francophones – when can we get them at the Verizon store?

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India borders on the Himalayas, the tallest mountain range in the world. They have 1.1 BILLION people…and they could only find two guys who can ski?

 

Kathy Rigby made a better Peter Pan.
OK so the whales swimming through the floor were cool.
Did the honored guests look like the Village People to you?

imgres The giant bed sheet that was suppose to be the Rockies. Did they get that idea from a Junior High production of Sound of Music?
Note to director: When skiers come down a mountain they don’t magically go back up, and down, and back up again, and then back down – FOR 10 FREAKING MINUTES.

 

By now everybody was texting on their Frankophones.

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KD Lang – Great singer…the song Hallelujah…all I could think of was “Wasn’t that in Shrek?” Also, isn’t KD looking a lot like Wayne Newton lately?

 

 

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It was sad that they had the mechanical malfunction at the end. But after that snooze fest I’m surprised any of the pillars could, ahem, get it up. Wouldn’t it have been great to see a bunch of burly Canadian lumberjacks rush out of the stands and muscle the last pillar into place like a fallen redwood? It would have put a drop of testosterone in the most dainty Olympic Opening ever.

I’m desperately looking forward to the Opening Ceremonies in Rio de Janeiro.
This show could have used some transvestite salsa dancers.

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