Olympic Opening

I have to admit I spent the good part of Friday trying to find a live feed of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies on the internet. NBC, in it’s corporate wisdom, decreed that no one in this country shall gain access to the show before any other true red blooded American citizen (and they threw in the 13 million illegal’s, too). I gave up after encountering numerous suspicious sites that promised a realtime feed but set off my anti-virus like a Doberman barking at the doorbell.

I think we all have preconceived notions about Russia. For those of us raised in the 50’s we knew them as the great big country on the other side of the world that wanted to vaporize us. And that shoe pounding was a national pastime.

Latvian Bread lineRussia (or rather the USSR) was held up to us in civics class as the ultimate bad example. The teacher would drone on about how they were communist which translated to “people waiting in line for bread…or canned tuna…or big ugly boots”. We also learned the average temperature in Russia was 17 below zero – in the summer. I think that scared us kids in LA more than anything.
Then I took Russian in High School. Whew…bad move. I realized that those poor kids had to learn a whole different alphabet! I got a bit of a different view of Russia.

Then I met a girl from Russia when I was tending bar in Thousand Oaks…

OK, let’s get back to the Olympics.

Daaa daaa da-da da da daaaaa.
The obligatory flyover of the Olympic venue started us off.  Snow covered peaks and glistening valleys only to arrive at the actual Olympic site and it looks like an abandoned theme park. There’s no one there…no crowds no cars no movement…it just looked spooky. Oh yeah…no snow. We were told the snow was a mere 35 miles away. This makes as much sense as having the Winter Olympics in LA because Big Bear is freeway close.

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From there to the Fortress of Solitude and Bob (one eye) Costas. He then had an uneventful interview with President Obama who, in totally PC fashion, roots for our team to bring home the gold…oh, and the silver…yeah, and the bronze…and the participation ribbon…and…well, kids you just have fun and do your best. Knute Rockne is rolling over in his grave about now. What the hell happened to “Get in there and WIN!”?

Spoiler Alert

I really liked the Opening Ceremonies. Just as China amazed with their anthill choreography in Beijing, Russia totally kicked it in spectacle.

So let’s talk about the Today Show cast. I guess starting with Meredith somebody complaining “It’s really cold in here.”  Do the words Winter Olympics…in Russia… mean anything to you? The Amero-centric low brows then yammered on for 3 or 4 hours reading the ad libs written for them. They assured us that every Russian in attendance understood every bit of symbolism. And if we wanted to understand anything go Google it. Thanks guys.

NBC also felt it necessary to skip over portions of the ceremonies to let us know we can buy cars at the upcoming Presidents Days Sale (announced by really classy bobble head Presidents) and that evidently McDonalds Chicken McNuggets taste the same as biting into an Olympic medal.

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And they skipped over the Olympic Mascots! Hey! how ‘bout something for the kids???

 

 

In the #NBC fail department it appears they cut the pseudo-lesbian act tAtu AND the Russian Police Choir rocking “Get Lucky”…I am definitely not buying a car this weekend.

Russia’s “BBQed pigeon” (see note) moment came as the fifth snowflake refused to turn into an Olympic ring. I heard an early report that it was a faulty command from a lighting director. Can anyone say Siberia? I also heard that on Russian TV they cut the screwup and patched in a shot from a rehearsal where the rings worked perfectly.

The parade of countries is usually time for snacks and bathroom breaks. (Note to NBC programming department – Schedule lame ass commercials when the teams with one competitor come marching in.) I guess because of the red carpet mania we have to review the uniforms.
First off there was more fur than at the “Piss Off PETA Convention”, and the sign carriers looked like a cross between a Vegas showgirl and a Star Trek alien that Captain Kirk is going to nail.

The only thing whiter than the snow was the bleached smile of EVERY competitor
The Irish were all Guinnessed up, wearing army fatigues and a blurry eyed stare – Ah, but havin’ a great time, boy-o
Bermuda strolled in wearing their namesake shorts but later they were trumped by the Caymen Island guys wearing board shorts and flip flops.
And then there we the American “Bad Christmas Sweater” ensemble. I can’t wait for Joan Rivers’ comments.

Then they announced the arrival of the Olympic flag and flame and I figured NBC would cut them to show more commercials so I went to bed. Saw it this morning on YouTube.

 

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I also learned of a new event this morning “Breaking through a bathroom door the construction guy forgot to put a door handle on”. Note to Olympic athletes: forget the TP –  be sure to check for door handles

 

 

 

 

 

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BBQed Pigeon Moment – 1988 Seoul Olympics, they lit the Olympic flame with a whole bunch of Olympic doves sitting in it…oops.

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