A Milestone!

Clicking on a button I never clicked on before I was informed that this here blog is one year old…82 days ago. PLUS! This is episode number 51! I think that’s cause for celebration! It’s our…

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In celebration of this momentous occasion I decided to recreate (to the best of my faulty memory) a Barney’s Big “B” Burger. Those of you from Yucca Valley will possibly remember a small burger stand at the west end of Yucca (in front of Rojer’s house). There, the eternally grumpy Barney grudgingly doled out his double decker creation to us smart-ass teens. His answer to Bob’s Big Boy was to stick a piece of toast between the pattys and mound enough shredded lettuce on it to make a salad out of what fell out. I also remember a ton of pepper on the lettuce.Throwing caution and common sense to the winds I concocted this masterpiece of calorific overabundance.

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Another view in it’s “ready to be scarfed” presentation.

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To those who might ask…It was Delicious!

Unfortunately immediately after wolfing down my well deserved reward I encountered this untimely note…

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Crap

And…right after that I read an article about a 99 year old woman who ran a 100 meter dash for time.

Ida Keeling, a 99-year-old  set a new age-group world record of 59.80 seconds for 100 meters on Tuesday. It is indeed a “new” record. Before Tuesday, there was no record of a woman in the 95-99 age group having completed a 100-meter dash.

Seeing as I truly hate almost anything that has to do with aerobic exercise I looked through my past for something I could do besides “Mall Walking” that might burn off at least one of the cheese slices. Then I remembered waaay back when I tipped the scales at 121…I was a roller skating fiend!  

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Yes, back in the waning years of the 1970’s I lived on my skates. Venice Beach, Balboa Park, Cher’s Disco Roller Party Wed Nights and a dozen rinks around LA.

 

 

 

 

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I was one of the notorious (read: complete idiots) who skated from Santa Barbara to Santa Monica Pier. For one solid year I skated every single day. I could speed skate, run up the walls at the underpass at Balboa, slalom with the best, do all the hip roller disco dance moves and drive people to the hospital after they broke their wrist.

 

 

 

So I went to the garage and found these…

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I know what you are thinking…I am not writing this from a hospital bed.

This made perfect sense to me. The weather wasn’t cold yet. The road in front of the house was recently paved. It’s a quiet neighborhood and there is very little traffic…so let’s take a little spin on the 35 year old skates…with 63 year old legs.

I’d love to report that once laced up my muscles suddenly remembered those hundreds of hours of skating and I took off gliding down the driveway. Evidently my muscle memory is almost as good as my ability to remember where I put the extra lightbulbs. My feet zig zagged back and forth like a possessed Amish weaving loom as my arms flailed about like the Scarecrow from a community theatre Wizard of Oz . Bingo stood transfixed at the terrifying sight rolling at him. Fortunately for both of us he jumped aside. He then started chasing me, barking at the demon shoes that had taken over my feet. I rolled to the edge of the driveway and jumped off onto the grass. I tried to calm Bingo down as I let my heart rate come down from 173bpm.

Gee…that was fun…

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So what was my motivation back in ‘78? Hmmm. Oh yes, socialization. It wasn’t about the dogged pursuit of a healthy lifestyle it was about…fun.

With that in mind (and Bingo relegated to watching from inside) I started again.

 

Hey! I taught a bunch of people to skate…what was it? Oh yea! push off with your toes! That’s the ticket! Soon I was gliding along like an old guy in a hawaiian shirt and Ray Bans and not looking like too much of a spaz. After about 20 minutes I figured I better not push it…besides soon the neighbors would be coming home.

I made it back to the garage pulled off my skates, stood up…and damn near fell over. Seems I haven’t been using the old skating muscles lately. I hobbled up the stairs to the kitchen and met an overly concerned Bingo waiting for me.

Still I felt like a combination of George Blanda and Morgan Shepherd (look ‘em up on the web). Next time I may strap on a GoPro camera ‘cause at my age (that damn saying again) this is extreme sports!

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