This year we decided to commemorate Labor Day as a day for more than burgers, brats, and beer. So we headed to the birthplace of America – Plymouth Massachusetts.
We elected to take the Old Downtown Plymouth Historic Tour.
It sort of went like this – Bar, bar, church, pub, tavern, church, bar, pub, church, tavern, tavern…rock.
Things had changed a bit from the early days.
Looking around the the area of Plymouth I wondered why the hell they decided to sail across an ocean to land here. I had always heard that the Pilgrims were suppose to land in Virginia. This, of course, led me to the second best web site for hearsay – Wikipedia. According to a random person posting on the internet, there was this little thing called the Gulf Stream that pushed them to the lovely tip of Cape Cod instead of the balmy beaches of…well… Virginia Beach. In beginning navigator terms – they should have been aiming for Florida.
Arriving in November they didn’t have much choice but to disembark because the captain told them the parking meter was running and parking fines in Massachusetts are a bitch. The Captain left them there because they were running out of beer.
He had to drag his butt back to England and he didn’t need a bunch of surly sailors to contend with.
I was thinking, what if they actually landed in Virginia – where they were suppose to, Southerners would be saying “Wicked pisser” instead of “Yer darn tootin’”.
And what if the Pilgrims had landed on the west coast?
Chumash Indians were, like, the surfer dudes of the Native Americans. In 3rd grade we went on field trips to museums to see the crafts the original Californians made.
There were no beaded moccasins, no eagle feather war bonnets, no kachina dolls, no teepees, no totem poles…there were baskets. Freakin’ baskets. We rode on an old, hot clunky bus to downtown to the Natural History Museum to see baskets. We didn’t even get to see the dinosaur bones! But I digress.
Imagine the straight laced Puritans first encounter with Chuck and Bucky, the local Indian Chiefs, “Check it dude…I made a basket. Have some acorn mush…and try these far-out mushrooms – woah!”
“Oh, and newsflash dude…it’s, like, totally hot here so you best strip off the breech coats or you’re gonna fry. And check out the ladies, man.Totally topless!”