We have all become to accustomed to the absolute absurdity in the world today. This week as we drove through the pastoral New England countryside an obvious work truck pulled out ahead of us. It took a moment before Miss Amy realized something was…different.
She looked at me an said “Is that…???”
It looked like we were following a male Great Dane who was – as they say in Vet School – fully intact. Yes, there was a giant set of fake bulls balls hanging from the rear bumper.
We are living in a world where people permanently mark their bodies with –
…and the names of people they are likely to break up with.
I guess it should be no surprise that this product is available. I suppose it is the logical progression after one mounts a set of longhorns on the hood of a vehicle, but upon investigation there is an amazing cornucopia of choices available.
Marketed with the clever name of “Truck Nutz” I found these amazing offers. Aside from the “original” size they are available in Monster size, chrome (to add some bling to your ride), camouflage (evidently to fool your prey on those hunting trips), and of course, LED light up Nutz – the perfect Holiday gift! And for the gals…keychains!
Amy’s reaction of, “You CAN’T do that!!” has been born out in some areas as there have been attempts to “ban the nuts” in Maryland and Virginia. I was wondering where our legislators were storing their manly parts.
For those without the appropriate vehicle for this accessory (New Yorkers and Prius drivers) I searched the internet for equally dumb ways of emptying your wallet.
Go ahead – raise your hands…
- Manufacturer recommended age: 13 – 17 years – sooo, this is a great gift for your kid if you want him/her to get beat up in Junior High.
How about a nice can of mythical meat, Here’s their pitch.
No foolin’ – Unicorn meat is real! Excellent source of sparkles! Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you true Canned Unicorn Meat. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh.
At some point the hippies will all die off like dinosaurs and passenger pigeons and we can try to forget about tie-dye t-shirts.
This episode is an attempt to distract myself from the foreboding signs of winter. I know it’s burning up in the West but when you are sitting on the patio in November we’ll be freezing our clam chowder off.
Bingo, of course took the time to pose dramatically.
And finally, the leading contender for worst name of 2014…thank God he’s worth $3.3 billion…
Note to Readers – I spent over an hour looking for photos of tattoos to find examples that weren’t completely horrifying.