Actually the title has nothing to do with anything, but I came across an article that reported that 9 of the top 10 money making websites were selling “How to get rich on the internet” kits.
In reality that is quite close to the idea I had in my incredibly brief Real Estate career. I told the manager I knew how to make a million in the Real Estate business…sell For Sale By Owner signs. He suggested I might be better suited for another line of work.
My recent absence has nothing to do with my inattention to all 17 of my (oops…18…Hi Ya Jennie) readers. It’s just that the last few columns I’ve started writing – well – sorta suck. I know they all can’t be gems but we seem to be scraping the bottom of the creative barrel lately.
So (thought somebody) what have I been doing lately?
As we stumble into another Holiday Season, I looked beyond it to another, more private, celebration.
Fred’s Birthday Season, lasting from Jan. 2 until the forsythia bloom.
Faithful readers will remember my reportage on this last year.
This grand wingding is the creation of my my dear wife Amy who needed something to distract her from temperatures that dip below 50 degrees. Here in jolly old New England that means a LOT of distraction. To that end we are planning a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands.
That isn’t what this episode is about.
When I was a rockin’ DJ at the Red Onion I weighed 121 pounds…and now…well, I’m 2 inches taller than Tom Cruise. That makes me somewhere between 5’6” and 6 feet tall (depending on which trashy supermarket tabloid you read). The problem is that even at 6 foot, I’m underhight for my weight.
As we all know, the weight loss business in the US is a multi-billion dollar business, a $60 billion dollar business. As a kid I remember my neighbor Mrs. Brockman working out with Jack LaLanne on TV. In 1969 Jazzercise burst on the scene promising a newer, slimmer you by simply wearing spandex leotards and multiple contrasting knee socks. Today the choices for shrinking the old bod range from Crossfit (workout until you throw up) to “Bodysculpting” (sort of Shylock’s pound of flesh thing – except it costs waaaay more)
In a recent episode I shared my return to roller skating. Unfortunately we have entered the pine tree shedding season I
whined about commented on last October. The slippery covering of pine needles mixed with rain has made skating even more treacherous than normal so I have had to re-think my fitness path. Really, it’s not about fitness – I just want my 30” waist back.
Enter the Internet.
Google “fitness” and you get about 90,600,000 results (in 0.46 seconds). This is going to be harder than deciding what cigarette to smoke.
Looking in the mirror, two issues faced me…the front view and the side view. This will not do for a cruise to Hawaii…hell, I watched The Love Boat. Everyone was tanned, taut and terrific. They were also on a soundstage at 20th Century Fox.
My present appearance could be blamed on a lot of stuff…a whole lot of stuff – but rather than revisit those questionable lifestyle choices I decided to do as Nike says… “buy $160 dollar gym shoes!”. So I perused the zillion choices for home training and found these guys.
The interesting thing is that their pitch had just as much veracity as the thousands of other muscle masters online. So I’ve decided to go with a guy who advertized “Look like me in 6 weeks!”.
Unfortunately he has about $10,000 dollars worth of tattoos…but his course is free.
So I guess by putting this out there I’ll have to actually complete the 6 week course or face the judgment of you faithful readers.
And if nothing works I’ll just go get one of those body suits Danica Patrick had in the GoDaddy commercial