This was going to be such a fun blog
It was inspired by my brother who, tired of waiting for my little video productions, told me , “Pictures – just take a bunch of pictures”.
(This, from a guy who went to Disney World for a week and shared five photos)
What do we think of when we hear Thanksgiving? Relatives? Friends? Pilgrims? Football? What we’re thankful for?
Nope…we think of food.
There is no holiday in America that is more foodcentric. We think of Grandma’s golden roasted turkey…or the year she got drunk and forgot to turn on the oven and then tried to cook the turkey at 500 degrees in 2 hours. Or when you’re invited to Thanksgiving in New Jersey and they serve Lasagna instead of turkey…or if you’re from New Jersey and you get invited anywhere else and you keep thinking “Where the hell is the Lasagna?”
Yes, it’s all about the food, the good the bad and the inedible. So I thought I’d go completely lo-def and leave all the fancy equipment behind and take a Bloggie on our Thanksgiving trip to New Jersey.
It is basically a smart phone without the apps, texting and calling features. The millennial brownie camera. It came out a few years ago as a useless high end toy to give men on Fathers Day…sorta like a golf ball washer. It’s popularity quickly waned, which is why I got it for $12 on ebay.
It’s perfect for me because as a late adopter I am still soldiering on with my no text, no app flip phone. The plan was to take foodie inspired pictures of everything I ate on the trip.
I took shots of the snacks in the lounge at the airport, the bag of no peanut, no salt, no gluten, non-allergy snax tossed to us by the flight attendant, our first dinner at a new Asian/fusion restaurant where I had bad thai (no, not pad thai), the hotel breakfast buffet of unripe fruit and rubber eggs and finally the often copied but never duplicated traditional Thanksgiving Dinner.
Later at the hotel I decided to review the cornucopia of photographic treasures.
These 2 pictures were all the revealed themselves…WHAT THE HELL?!?
All that remained was a shot of the dessert line-up and the cookie from the front desk at the hotel. I frantically went through the menus…the start up…shutdown…troubleshooting (as frantically as one can in a turkey induced fog)…all to no avail.
Thanksgiving is suppose to be the busiest travel day of the year. When we arrived at the airport I was surprised to find…nobody. It looked like a scene out of a bad zombie movie. Solitary figures standing around staring off into space…and that was just the Skycaps.
We stood in line at security behind a whole six people – of course this being an amateur travel day it still took three times longer to get through the screening.
“Yes ma’am you have to take off your coat – I know there’s nothing in the pocket – I know there’s no metal in it – yes, you have to take it off…no a quarter full 12 ounce bottle of shampoo isn’t the same as a 3 ounce bottle…No, you can’t take the bottled water through…I’m sorry you just bought it…I know $3.65 for a bottle of water is obscene…no, I can’t make an exception…”
When our flight arrived at Newark Airport the weather was a wintry mix. For my friends on the West Coast, a wintry mix is a combination of rain and snow – sorta like a frozen margarita falling from the sky. As it accumulates on the roads it makes squishy sound that scares 1 out of 4 drivers into driving at 20 mph on the highway…where it isn’t any more slippery than rain. Needless to say the 20 minute trip from Newark took over an hour.
Our hotel was packed with holiday revelers all anticipating football, indigestion and a turkey coma. All of us Thanksgiving travelers had some sort of trepidation, an insufferable relative, a dreaded side dish one must “…just take a little taste…” or a Funniest Home Videos calamity that will be hysterically funny after the burns heal and everyone is out of jail.
Then we all went to wonderful Thanksgiving Dinners.
At the second hotel breakfast of unripe fruit and rubber eggs we congratulated each other on surviving another family holiday.
Our trip concluded with “The Thanksgiving Day Miracle”
Amy lost her phone. I know, it seems the leprechauns are messing with us big time this month (see last missing item adventure). She took a walk and I picked her up in the car to go to the market for duct tape and rubber gloves.
(I just re-read that last sentence…rather than explain, I’ll just leave it to your imaginations)
Later Amy noticed her phone missing. I called it and couldn’t hear it so I said it must be in the car. Using the phone technique I discovered it wasn’t in the car. I went back to the store and asked at the desk and searched the aisles…still no phone.
Dreading a Saturday visit to the Verizon store we went off to dinner. Amy wanted to try the store again – to exactly trace her steps. Again we came up phone-less. As we were leaving she said “Let’s look where we parked”.
I know, most of you are thinking just what I was…three hours later, in a parking lot? We headed to the general area of our former parking space and I once again called…and the melodious ring tone of Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne rang out across the half empty lot.
Now it gets better, honing in like a CIA drone headed for an ISIS convoy I discovered, not just the phone…but the phone placed on someone’s car fender.
So here’s the rundown. Amy drops her phone. Someone finds the phone in a parking lot before it gets run over. Someone does not steal the phone. Someone places the phone on the fender of a car. The randomly selected car, probably an employees, does not move for over three hours. We return as a last ditch, lost cause effort and discover the phone. We don’t have to go to the dreaded Verizon store.
I had a wonderful time, except I learned I wasn’t named “Sexiest Man Alive” by People Magazine…again.