I have to make a confession. This trip is first class. I’m not talking about the ship or the food or the service…we are actually going first class.
We have a butler.
Let me let that sink in. There is a guy assigned to this cabin who is available to us 24 hours a day who will do anything to make us happy.
I am not a butler kind of guy.
When I booked this trip I wanted to get a cabin for Amy with the biggest balcony we could afford. Amy had never been on a ship before and I remember the tiny cabin I had when I worked for Sitmar Cruises. I didn’t realize that put us into the VIP category.
We discovered that when we checked in and the gate attendant said “Would you please follow me?”. Our son and his wife headed off to the gangplank and we were led to a room with a big banner that said “Welcome VIP Guests”. There were snacks and mango juice and smiling ladies who were just there in case I needed someone to peel a grape for me.
As I said before…I’m not a top shelf, pampered type of guy when I travel. In fact it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. Yet here I was, up with the robber barons and trophy wives. Both Amy and I were amazed by the cabin. I think it was bigger than my first apartment.
In the shower there were two dispensers, one with purple stuff and one with white stuff in them. I guessed they were soap…or shampoo…or conditioner – well, two out of the three. I think I was showering with conditioner the whole trip.
In the bathroom there is a scale, to weight yourself…on a cruise…with unlimited eating opportunities…for seven days…
What kind of sick bastard puts a scale in the bathroom?
The funny thing is that a scale on a floor that is rocking and going up and down has as much chance of reading correctly as Bruce Jenner has of winning another decathlon. My weight during the cruise is evidently between 137 and 223 pounds.
When you turn on the TV to the International News channel all you get is a big smiley face and “Don’t Worry – Be Happy” playing in the background.
One fun thing – the cabin crew makes towel sculptures and leaves them on the bed each night. We got a mouse and a rabbit and a dinosaur and a monkey and a snake and an elephant. Unfortunately they use the towels that are in the bathroom. By the end of the cruise we were drying ourselves off with a pile of paper towels I stole out of one of the deck restrooms.
This boat should be called “The Good Ship Hand Sanitizer”. There are legions of crew members stalking us at every turn with anti-bacterial spray like the perfume snipers at the mall. Getting off the boat – getting on the boat – going into the buffet line – getting into the hot tub. I’ve got to wonder what they do in ports with, shall we say, questionable hygiene.
We finally were able to go somewhere on the ship and get back to our cabin (with the help of GPS).
Now it was on to our first port of call, Maui.