Maui – Luau in Lahaina

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Aloha from Maui.

In Hawaii they say Aloha instead of Hello. They also say Aloha instead of Goodbye. Sometimes they say Aloha when they step on your foot waiting in line at the midnight buffet. I think Dog the Bounty Hunter yells Aloha when he wants you to come out with your hands up.

If California is laid back then Hawaii is comatose. There is a thing called “Island Time”. It refers to the fact that if you go into a restaurant for lunch you might get the bill by 7 o’clock in the evening…and that’s at McDonalds. There are people still waiting for the bill in fancy restaurants that were seated during George Bush’s first term.

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We checked out the boat on the way to Maui . There are 12 restaurants, 9 bars and a main showroom. There are also 3 pools, 4 hot tubs, a gym, art gallery, library, and a card room. I think the busiest place was the hip replacement clinic. I won’t say the clientele was old but as a young waitress described them “Either newly wed…or nearly dead” Of course she wasn’t talking about us…was she?

 

This afternoon we went to Lahaina (pronounced “tour-ist-trap”). The taxi from the ship into town was $85 – renting a car was $65 so we decided to brave Maui Highway 30. Once in Lahaina there were streets lined with shops selling authentic native goods made in China.

 

Later we went to a show with barely clad girls sensuously dancing to wildly pounding drums. It took a good ten minutes before we realized that the Luau was next door to the “RaveUp” nightclub.

 

A luau is where you are immersed in the culture and customs of Hawaii. Then they distract you from the weird stuff that is on your plate by having barely clad girls dance to wildly pounding drums. Combined with the native beverage, Mai Tai (the principal cause for Hawaiian missionaries to defect) the evening was a rousing success.

I learned a few things today:

If you go to a luau with picky eaters you will never drink $500 worth of Mai Tais.  

Don’t sing “And When I Die” by Blood Sweat and Tears when the Karaoke bar is full of 80 year olds.

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Day 2 or “Elua” the kids went snorkeling in shark infested waters so we headed to the Iao Valley, the 19th best attraction on Maui according to TripAdvisor. We went because a local guy in front of the ABC Store (a 7-11 cleverly disguised as a grass hut with Slurpie machines) said, “Yo Brudder, you no pau da valley da kine haole mo bettah”. So off we went on our little adventure. I later discovered he said “Excuse me, but your rental car just ran over my backpack”.

 
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Fortunately I wore my camouflage shirt so we could observe the native species in their natural habitat. The coolest thing was this chameleon who changed from rock color to green when he got on the leaves.

 

The Iao Valley was really spectacular

 iao Val

DSC_0678Going back to the boat we decided to stop for a smoothie. The first stand the smoothie machine was broken.

 

 

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The second stand…the  smoothie machine was broken. They all seemed to be waiting on the same smoothie machine repairman…who, evidently, was out surfing.

Off we go to the Big Island!

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4 thoughts on “Maui – Luau in Lahaina

  1. I’m glad the selfie stick has come in handy! When we were going around to Hana someone had a selfie stick out their sunroom and we looked at each other and said, “who does that?”. Glad we have our answer now! 🙂

  2. It is too bad we did not videotape the 80 year olds making their grand exit from the Karaoke bar with your poignant rendition of “And When I Die” – ‘hope the all lived to tell the story

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