Kaua’i, last but not Arrrrrgh….

1hawaii title

Yes…this is where they filmed Jurassic Park. The terrain was perfect for that movie. Deep canyons plunging into the sea, wispy clouds hiding the mountain peaks, the old hippies growing pot over on the north shore.

The hurricane of ‘92 blew all the dinosaurs off the island to Japan…which is why they are making Godzilla movies now.

Today we went on a bus ride with some serial cruisers. It only took a couple of minutes to ID them as “cruising elite”. Every article of clothing they were wearing had a different location or cruise embroidered on it. The kind of obnoxious folks who compare wherever you are with allll the wonderful places they have been.
I first became aware of this fun couple as the woman kept pushing into me as we waited for our trip to Waimea Canyon while her husband bitched about the lack of Cinnabons on the ship.
I showed massive self control by not asking them “So, what appetizers did your butler bring you last night???”

We arrived at Waimea Canyon – the Grand Canyon of the Pacific. Well, it’s kinda like it’s the Grand Canyon, like Six Flags is the Disneyland of Texas. Yeah it’s a pretty canyon.


At the viewing area, a native guy gave information on the Hawaiian way of life. He also posed for pictures.


The fact that he was only wearing a loincloth and a helmet didn’t hurt his popularity any.


We learned a lot from out tour driver. He was an island boy who has lived on Kaua’i most of his life. We got a lot of interesting local information.
By Law, no building on Kauai is allowed to be built taller than a palm tree. The Marriott Corporation is planning to import the world’s tallest palm tree. Kauai is home to one of the wettest spots on Earth with an average rainfall of 397 inches on Mt. Waialeale. The Humuhumunukunukuapua`a was chosen as the official state fish of Hawaii by a vote of smartass Junior High kids who thought it would be a great joke on tour operators. The State Bird is the Tourist Helicopter.

Our driver also has a personal vendetta against the island chickens. Kaua’i is overrun with chickens…free range chickens. These aren’t the pampered yuppie-ized free range chickens that Whole Foods charges an arm and a leg (or wing and drumstick) for. There are street tough, back country chicken thugs. He said if you put one in a pot with a big rock and boil it, after 12 hours you can eat the rock.

When we returned from our bus excursion Andy looked me straight in the eye and said “Dad…let’s go surfing!”.
My plan had been to take a surfing lesson with the boy…a nice, safe supervised surfing lesson. Unfortunately the surf lessons ended at 2 pm and here it was 3 o’clock. In a classic case of “Sure, I can still do that!” we set out to rent some boards and hit the waves. My first thought was that I had recently regained my roller skating skills from the late 70’s. https://acaliforniadudeinharvardsquarecourt.wordpress.com/2014/09/02/senior-x-games/ 
Then I started to think about the fact that a wave didn’t exactly have the stability of a blacktop driveway…and it had been 30, no 35, actually 36 years since I’d been up on a board…crap, crap, crap…

Here is the start of our surf session.


Here is the merciful end of our surf session.


Fortunately no video exists of the time between these two photos.

For whatever reason, during the cruise I’ve been jonesing for cake. There is a veritable cornucopia of dessert offerings available 24 hours a day…but I wanted cake…a big ‘ol slice of cake. Not a tart, not a cupcake,  not a brownie, not an éclair…cake.
Well, we finally spied a chunk of chocolate fudge cake hiding among the tapioca pudding and Jell-O cups in the “Ai a hiki i Ho’opahu” Dining Arena (translation: eat until you explode).
I realized I was becoming a little too comfortable with excess food availability as I stood there in the middle of the buffet horking down a hunk of cake like stray dog with a Big Mac. Fork? no need…Sit down? Why? I’m going back for another piece…with ice cream.
That night the ghost of Jack LaLanne came to me in a dream…I woke up at 4 am doing jumping jacks in the middle of the cabin.

One day to go…hang in there.

Audience participation plea…like, share, comment, send by telegram


5 thoughts on “Kaua’i, last but not Arrrrrgh….

  1. You’re giving us a great report, and the photos are so much better when we see you guys in them! And, I think your hit rate is going to improve with the photo of the local fellow. That’s a pretty sweet gig he has working.
    Eat more cake!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s