Back to reality…not by choice



OK…let’s catch up on current events and random notes…

We are officially back in the land of ice and snow…heavy on the ice. Today it was 46 degrees.
I know some of you are thinking “Oh…My…God! I hope you have your thermal underwear and parka!”. Well, all you SoCal followers…it actually felt warm.
I was wearing boardshorts and an In’N’Out t-shirt most of the day. I saw a guy at the market wearing Speedos. A sweatshirt and Speedos…and Uggs. I’m sure it was a statement…

One would think that the 46 degree thing would be great, the snow melts at 32 degrees. Yeah, except it only melts to mush and then refreezes overnight into a corduroy skating rink. So taking advantage of the ice melting from the bottom (which I’m sure was explained in Science class when I was trying to get the attention of that cute blond Vicki) I started shoveling chunks of ice off the driveway.

We all know that water weighs 8 pounds a gallon. So why does a shovel full of ice weigh 53 pounds? (Again, I’m guessing that Science class had the answer)
I know you’re wondering why all this labor.
Well, it’s going to get cold again…and maybe snow…or rain…or ferrets will fall from the sky. The TV weather babes in this part of the country like to keep their “forecast” kinda vague. Then there is the Theory of Multiplying Misery which basically says if you don’t clear the damn snow and ice before the next storm, the effort to remove it will logarithmically increase at the rate of 1 to the number of times Brian Williams “helped out a story”.

So this morning I took down the Christmas decorations.

Yes, it’s the second week of March. I only took down the ones I could reach without trying to set up a ladder in two feet of snow. A neighbor stopped to observe my labors and shouted from his nice warm SUV “Why don’t you leave ‘em up all year?”. This is also the guy who leaves his trashcan out all week and never…and I mean never, cleans up after his dog.
After shoving the giant garland and oversized lights into the plastic tubs I tried to think of how to adapt the rest into Easter decorations….if I can figure out when Easter is this year.

Easter is what they call a floating holiday. Kinda like snow days. The date for Easter was decided at the Council of Nicaea about 1690 years ago.

Great kidders…those council guys.

Last year it was April 20th – this year it’s April 5th. The date is calculated by some strange combination of the moon, the Wild Duck Cluster constellation and Nancy Pelosi’s plastic surgery schedule

Now I’m just wondering how New Englanders have an Easter egg hunt in a snow bank.

Also, we can announce the answer to the Hawaiian Tan Line Identify This Body Part contest…


Yes! My right foot…how many of you got it right? How many thought it was…well…somewhere else?…and shame on you…

Join us next time for…A MOVIE REVIEW!


3 thoughts on “Back to reality…not by choice

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