A Cinematic First

I’ve had Netflix for over a year. I recently signed up for Amazon Prime and for Christmas I got a Roku.

I am awash in potential movies.

Scanning the cornucopia of video choices, I’ve come to the realization that Morgan Freeman has been involved in every movie made in the last 10 years except Kim Kardashian’s sex tape.
He’s been the lead actor, supporting actor, uncredited actor, producer, director, prop man, gaffer, foley artist, caterer and he even choreographed a couple of episodes of Glee.

But I’m not here to talk about Morgan Freeman.

I just saw the worst movie ever made.

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Most film aficionado regard “Plan 9 from Outer Space” as the worst movie ever made. However  this turkey from French director Quentin Dupieux, I believe, raises (lowers?) the bar for terrible filmmaking to a whole new level.

It’s called “Rubber”.

rubber

It’s about a tire…of course, what would you expect from the French? They think Jerry Lewis is a comic genius.

But wait! It’s not just a tire. It’s a tire that magically comes to life. A tire that somehow develops the ability to make people’s heads explode!
A badass Bridgestone!
A ghoulish Goodyear!!
A fearsome Firestone!!!

I realize that at first this sounds like a story written by a 9 year old boy…but it’s much worse than that. The absurd story is accompanied by the worst directing and acting this side of a high school film class project.

So the question is leveled, and rightly I might say…
”Why the hell did you sit through all 83 minutes of it?”

Well, to start, it looked like it was shot in Joshua Tree, CA.  Joshua Tree has been the backdrop for hundreds of commercials and music videos. Now, was it time to shine as the location of a major movie?
It took about four minutes into the movie to realize IT SUCKED!!!
And…
it was shot in Palmdale.

Then a strange thing happened – it was so bad I couldn’t turn away. Sorta like watching the American Idol auditions. Amy kept looking at me with that same expression I have when she watches a movie on Lifetime…for the third time. Total amazement.

I won’t spoil the movie for those of you who are stupid…uh, adventurous enough to take a gander at this POS. (And no, that doesn’t stand for point of sale).

However in the movie he blows up a rabbit.

rubber

Watches TV

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Lusts after a girl

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Transforms himself into a tricycle and starts a motorcycle tire gang

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And finally (you knew this was coming) arrives in Hollywood ready to do battle with the corporate movie monoliths.

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People actually admit to standing in line at Cannes to see this dog when they could have been out at the clubs watching Lindsey Lohan throw up on herself. The best review was this.

“…a hipster movie, cocksure with no justification for it. And like anything hipster, you sort of want to kick it in the teeth.”
Walter Chaw
Film Freak Central

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4 thoughts on “A Cinematic First

  1. Fred,Fred,Fred …Where have you been, ALL the cool kids have already met Robert the tire a couple of years ago! Happy almost Geoffs Birthday!

  2. Wait a minute, I have this memory of strangely enjoying this little flick, so… that makes it good, right? Sidebar – I watched “Darby O’Gill and the Little People” last night. Remember going to see that in the theater? I recall plunging under the seats when the banshees showed up, and, you know what? They’re still terrifying!!!!

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